This date marks my dad's passing of three years.
Losing my father, our rock, was an adjustment that we will forever be adjusting to. However, more for my mother than anyone else. And I am extremely proud of how far my mother has come.
In these three years, everyone has been making adjustments. But the person making the most adjustment is my mother. After 47 years of life with her husband, partner, friend, companion, and many more, she has made the biggest stride in her life time. They were each other's rock and anchor through all obstacles. In the years of my life, I've seen them through pain, tears, sadness, joy, health sickness, and of course what drives them is their happiness.
However, what was never mentioned was that the day of my father's passing was actually on the same day as my beloved sister's birthday. Fortunately, on September 1, 2017 we had already finished our birthday celebration for her before he passed. It was a devastating moment!
All these years and the rest of her life, I'm sure her birthday will never be the same again. The day. brings her struggles and it will linger a shadow. For some, it is thought that she was fortunate to be able to celebrate her birthday with my father. And for some they feel very sad that it happened on the day of. Personally, the glass is half full and I think she's fortunate. More importantly, my dad had a beautiful time with his beloved family. And because it was a celebration, most of us were by his side when he passed. Here, I would like to wish my beloved sister a wonderful birthday and know that daddy is hugging you and loving you all the time.
Upon arrival to Taiwan, everyone is to be quarantined for 15 days. Regulations are you may quarantine yourself at home if there isn't an elderly over the age of 65 or a child who is younger than the age of 6. Many choose to be quarantined in the hotel as a whole. It's just much easier and less ordeal. Most quarantine hotel also include three meals along with the price per night. So it's much easier than all the other fuss. We all pay for convenience these days.
I have found being quarantined rewarding: such as having time to myself and being able to rest. The only difficulty lies in the jetlag part of the equation. Especially being couped up and have not a lot going on except oneself, TV and the bed. Well, in the 21st century, we all have a smart phone of some sort, and a laptop. Nonetheless, seriously making it very difficult to adjust to local time. Aside from eating when the meals are delivered, we are able to order for other food and groceries as we desire. Jetlag as I now learn isn't just the actual schedule of the day, but the entire body clock. Which is the most difficult part. However, nowadays, I am slowly coming around. All good things. =)
While prepping for being quarantined, I had purchased a course to complete and then certified. It is a course that takes about 120 hours to fulfill - I will not get into it too much details. Simply because that isn't the focus. The point is: Today, I finished the course and received my certificate!!! YAY!!!!
The second thing I had set out to do while being quarantined is to come back to ArmoniVie and blog again. Oh how much I have missed it so. There is a lot to share in the months that I have been absent from ArmoniVie. I will share more in the upcoming posts.
Although I have not fully gotten back on the horse with my blog. In the sense of the original intended content of the blog site is holistic and natural remedies, but this is a work in progress. Unfortunately, I was not able to carry all my physical resources of my books and much research that I had compiled, Fret not! Because I am not gathering them online and finding my resources digitally for the soft copies of my compiled researches. Please stay tuned!
August 18, 2020 marked a new beginning of my life: I am going to Taiwan to explore other opportunities that I have long desired. This photo was taken at JFK prior to my departure, My flight was at 01:25.
I flew to Taipei, Taiwan !! I left New York, the place where my childhood and growth took place.
Yes, I left New York during the global pandemic. It was a torn decision and one that I am still holding my breath on while I am currently writing this from my hotel room in Taiwan during my two weeks quarantine.
Yes, a journey that many of my close friends have heard me say... and now, after decades of my desires, I am finally embarking on my journey. For those of you who know me this is an opportunity that I have longed for, and only in my dreams.
Yes, finally i a doing something for me. While it's nerve wrecking because of the up and move. And as I am getting older the adjustment is something that is worrisome. But, yet I long for this opportunity. I hungered for this for decades.
Yes, I left a community that I have deep roots and have lived for decades and established relationships that I may or may not have known. But, if one loves me and is there for me, then they'll be there when I return.
Yes, I do think that this pandemic is the time to reset and start. There is no better time than now. Simply because everything is on a reset, whether one likes it or now. It isn't up to any specific government anymore.
Yes, I will return come back to New York one day. I am unsure when just yet nor what the future actually holds. Unless someone can definitively tell me what the future holds. Because with our world now, let's just take it one step at a time.
Yes, lastly, I will conquer and grow from what I need to. Life my life and charter my own wings, pause and look and feel around me; even to just smell, touch, feel, hear and see what and who really loves me and is real.
HAPPY 2020 !!!
The year of 2019 came and went in a blink! Faster than I can catch my breathe. The entire 2019 I was in recovery of my ankle. And it was a year of no exercise at all. Endlessly I have asked how did I survive it... <smiling bowing my head> I acknowledge that it was God's doing that I made it this far. Only He know the difficulties it is for me to not have any exercise at all. I'm sure that with all those that have come and gone in this life have also watched over me. I feel very blessed and loved although they are no longer here in this mortal life with me.
Just yesterday, I started a new physical therapy place in midtown. The facilities is much smaller than the closer to home location of course. However, while the place is an older facility but their exercises for me is at a place where I need to be doing at this point in time: strength training. Recently I started experiencing sharp electric shooting pain to my toe that has been swollen since I broke my ankle in July 2017. And it wasn't until yesterday that the therapist took a closer look at it and told me that the tendons to two toes are and possibly restricted and held down by scar tissues if not just injured from the injury and it's long process of recovery.
However, for the past three months longer of recovery time is partly my fault, actually it's entirely my fault. Simply because I slacked off and stopped going to physical therapy due to the start of my new job on October 1, 2019. This is definitely something else.
One should never be haste when it comes to one's day job. That can easily and very quickly turn into what will determine either you will be happy or miserable. Bad choice was made,
Now with a new start of the year, I will recover my ankle, and make choices without haste!!
On this special day i remember by beloved father who is now at peace and free. During his last few years he was captured by a deadly and tortured disease that slowly ate away his mobility. Today is Father's Day. Remembering his livelihood and how high spirited he once was and gave us life (both literally and figuratively). As much as we all miss him, but we are comforted knowing he no longer is suffering.
Only recently did I come to feel and learn what the man was going through. With my recovery of my ankle, and the start of physical therapy (PT) about 6 weeks ago, the emotional and physical struggle that I only have a bare glimpse of what he was going through. When I started back at PT again (for the second round), i couldn't even move my toes, using the entire body strength to barely and not even move my toes. It took my physical therapist to manually help me move my toes. and actually breaking a sweat just from finally moving my toes ever so little. And the pain, frustration, helplessness... my goodness the emotions go on.. i can only imagine all of this magnified by infinity of what my father felt.
Unfortunately, it took all of this for me to just barely understand how strong, loving, self sacrificing my father is. All this to just give me a glimpse of what the man was going through. For me, there is light at the end of this tunnel. I cannot fathom how he dealt with knowing the light at the end of my father's tunnel was knowing that he was saying goodbye to all of us, and everything. Bitter sweet.
Humility ... this is humility for me.
And daddy eating his favorite sweets and ice cream and shaved ice is how I will remember him. Always and forever. I love you daddy. Miss you.
It wasn't until today that I fully understood what it means when someone has a piece of your heart. Or perhaps it wasn't until today that I am able to articulate it.
Humans are creatures of habit, we are creatures with full emotions and thrive when there is love and being loved. Growing up we learn, we hear, and we feel what love is and what it feels like to be loved. (of course, this is for the fortunate ones.) But to actually understand and know how to articulate love is always not as simple. More so, love means differently to different people. For me, love is when my parents endlessly gave themselves unconditionally, no matter how exhausted they may be - we are still their top priority. It wasn't always said but we always felt it. Not only felt it but everyday their actions always backed it up.
I was cleaning of the boxes and bags today and it occurred to me that there were so many pieces and everything had a piece of my daddy attached to it. For these couple of boxes there's more of my dad especially. After a bit, it was too overwhelming and I need to stop. But it was then I realize that my dad has a tremendous amount of my heart. Sometimes, the emotions just flood and it escapes me. These weeks have been extra difficult with the recovery of my ankle, and it's long journey. For those who are by my side, I thank you for your patience and understandings. The emotional roller coaster hopefully ends soon. Of all the things I've lost, this one is the toughest one. Life would not be getting better soon enough. Sometimes what seems impossible is really prepping for what is to come in the times ahead. Patience.. breathe.. all will play an essential role.
The sun is shining and I got a breath of fresh air -- first time since surgery. I have actually just sat home for two weeks straight and gone no where at all. It was a journey.
The trip out of the house was for my first follow up with the doctor since the surgery on May 9. It's been interesting is the best I can say. I was told that i did keep it at a good condition, in terms that it didn't swell too much. Stitches look clean and weren't many to take out..? I questioned whether or not it all came out given the cut seemed longer. And it seems like the shape of the cut has a roundness to it, which if it really is that then I like it quite a bit I must say. As twisted as this is. The thread pulled out really wasn't much. But the bleeding from the cut, was more than I thought.
Now... I am able to start weight bearing. Except that I am gun shy from the route this injury has gone. And I am able to drive now too. Going back to the office seem not too far now. Having said that, it's still going to be some time before I do. They always want PT to start soon. But last time this injury was not so fortunate. And even the doctor said I could have gone and bought lottery with the slim slim slim chance of this happening. I was told that the bone graft has not yet solidified, and for that I would have to wait until the next visit - the six week mark. I am officially bionic.
Ahh... spring is finally here. It's beautiful out: the sun is bright in the clear blue sky with a good spring breeze as they rustle through the leaves of every tree, and through every blade of grass and weeds on the ground. The good old dandelions are out as well. I haven't seen as many pussy willows this year or the past year... but I must admit that of all weeds, they are indeed the ones I enjoy most.
I've returned to work post op, and it's been a long week and a half but fortunately from home. Of all things in life, with age I have come to appreciate good and kind people. It's not easy to work with the need to elevate my leg to prevent and stop the pain from continuing, but that in the grand scheme of things is minor in life. Elevating the leg above the heart is indeed a task and not the most comfortable position. At this juncture, I will do all that it takes to recover speedily and strongly.
From this experience and having been through a rough few years, I have come to appreciate my bosses for the past couple of years. Fortunately, God has blessed me with great bosses. While monetary is a necessity, but having flexibility is so rare in our society today. Working for them makes me understand and learnt to be ever so grateful for my life and job. More importantly enjoy what I do and begins to fill my life with passion. Often times we take things and people around us for granted, even stop making efforts to those we care for. Life is fast, short and on a one way forward track: stop and cease the moment - carpe diem!
My father was great with that, and I am ever so fortunate to have him as my father. Every day he showed me that we were his everything. All his energy devoted to us through cooking, helping us get around and much much much more than I can list here. He was always completely selfless. Remorsefully, I didn't show him enough of my appreciation and could have done more for him. After all, a selfless soul is extremely rare to find these days if not impossible. When he was around, everything was so easy and simple. After his passing, I began to see that all this easiness and simplicity was due to his own sacrifices and endless giving. Daddy stood such a tall man and never towering over or hovering over anyone, that's how I saw him. How proud I am to be his daughter. And that's exactly how I will remember him, he is my role model.
Life is here now!
Here is the space where I will share about my passion and life.