 If only... ... that our voice can be used to speak words of love and caring for others. If only... ... that our intentions can be articulated clearly. If only... ... that we can be more patient with each other. If only... ... that we cared enough to love unconditionally. If only... ... that apologies can be spoken genuinely with remorse. If only... ... that apology was sufficient to patch up the wound. If only... ... that pride was used purely to better our lives and relationships. Somewhere in time, forgiveness is the only way forward without penalizing ourselves. Sometimes the only path forward is to just let it be, and all will be what it will be. Control is not for the brave, Nor is it for a better life to live, Sometimes it becomes a prison, Perhaps best to set it free - live! After all, there was a time we cared, After all, memories have been made, After all, everything was just yesterday, After all, I choose and remain forever grateful!
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 It's been months, going on years... waiting for you to change. Aiyaya.. there ain't much that's dumber than pinning your hopes on a change in someone. And I, yeah, I still need you, but what good is that now? Needing is one thing, and getting's another. So I've been sitting around, wasting my time, wondering what you been doing. Aw, it ain't real forgiving, sitting here picturing someone else living. And I, yeah, I still miss you, but what good will that do ever? Needing is one thing, and getting's another. Don't give up on me, luv When I stumble along... .. when I act a little crazy Remember, my love for you won't fade; I wanted you for so long Tell me, is it so wrong... ... even if we fell in love Hoping that we fall in love When you hold on to me When you let me in You know that I got you under my skin. We tried hard not to bruise it If forever is going to last.. ... let it in the quiet glow of memories of us Some days didn't come easily Some days didn't come hard Some days don't come at all And those were the days that never end No matter when or where or what When I heard your ringtone and voice The whole world seemed to exhale Some nights, you were breathing fire Some nights, you were carved ice Some nights you were like nothing I've ever Seen before or will again When your world fell dark I walked beside you thru the silence Until dawn rose in your eyes again. I've been praying for months; I will keep praying, hoping I might forget. Aw, but it doesn't get much dumber than trying to forget a girl when you love her. And I, yeah, I accept that you will always be in my heart. Needing is one thing, and getting's just out of reach completely.  2025 has been a rough year; I am more than ecstatic that it is finally over. I enter 2026 with a full heap of hopes and meaningful goals. And this time, I am not driven by motivation -- this time, I am guided by discipline. Over these past few years, I have come to learn that motivation is just steam. Quite simply put, motivation is a great starting point, as it propels one forward. This steam evaporates quickly when things get rough. Motivation is merely a cheap fuel that won't carry you to reach your pinnacle, as it depends too much on external forces. They fade when frustration sets in. Depending on the goal, some of these tasks may even bring moments of helplessness. During these moments of frustration and helplessness, when they are pinned up on the board, motivation will evaporate into thin air. Meanwhile, discipline is steady and quiet. Accompanying and helping one to walk through this journey unmasked and complete the list of tasks. The purpose behind these goals should be worthy that it ignites the fire within the pursuer to chase it until it is obtained. Goals should not be set to impress others but for the purpose of bringing self-assessment, development, and satisfaction. In the end, only through consistent efforts, perseverance, and unwavering discipline can we transform those goals into achievements.  Loneliness does not come from having no people around you; instead, it's from the inability to communicate the things that are important to you. Loneliness is rarely about empty rooms, but rather about carrying words you cannot say and truths you do not feel safe to disclose. Healing is learning to speak about what matters most, so you are no longer alone with them. This is the road of allowing yourself to be seen and known for who you are. When should I stop working for it? It's most certainly possible that the destination is just one step ahead. It is also possible that after arriving at my destination, it may end up being the wrong path. Gonna be optimistic and hope it's correct. "What if" letting go later may be beneficial and what if holding on is worth the pain? The question here is which one is better: pain of the present or regret in the future? "Why is any choice or decision made never suffice?" Am I being greedy, selfish, ungrateful... life is about the journey and how is the purpose actually determined? Finding a purpose, achieving it, and leaving a footprint (hopefully). These desires may be overwhelming, but they are good. Perhaps life is about achieving the overwhelming desires that mean a lot to us. Most importantly being true to our heart to pick those to work on. Something that sets the soul free from negativity, false expectations, and a flawed mindset. Serendipituously, life is about achieving the balance between letting loose to go with the flow vs. holding on and enduring the ride to attain the pinnacle. It is best to protect my inner peace and happiness from any temporary goals, people, or circumstances. Staying the course and staying true to myself. However... if I am wrong, well, at least then I can have a glass of wine and sit by the fire to talk about it.  This was definitely a colorful year, 2025. However, in reality these vibrant colors is what I had hoped it to be. Fortunately, the year is coming to a close and 2026 will be full of these vibrant colors with a clear blue sky. Before 2025 finishes, even if the colors are darker in reality but there are still plenty to be grateful for. * I am alive and well (overall): with more than words that I may express my gratitude to be walking and breathing on my own, and my five senses are still intact. * I am growing from my past mistakes and pain: with more than words that I may express my gratitude to have had people in my life this year to walk along side me and give me guidance. * I am working (again) in a new industry with new knowledge and challenges: with more than words that I may express my gratitude to be given this opportunity with a really good boss! * I am (re)learning patience and communication: with more than words that I may express my gratitude to be able to spend time with my family and friends (all new and old ones). * I am ecstatic to be picking up some of my hobbies, in which are my passion again: with more than words that I may express my gratitude my background and parents who spent time and money on me to have developed these passion of mine. * I am working out as I get back into the groove of things (again): with more than words that I may express my appreciation in which after some work and consistent training I am able to slow jog. And of course, I shall not forget... ** I am blessed to have a roof, food, air, water, and love surrounding me: with more than words that I may express my gratitude to be blessed with all these (my) basic necessity to survive and come this far. These are just to name a few... the blessings everyday comes to me and I see how I am very fortunate and loved by my family and friends. God only knows that I am so fortunate and blessed because He loves me. All these blessings, none of which are in my hands to control, but He is the only one who makes everything come together. I would not be here without His blessings and guidance. I am so thankful to God. For all those who have a choice and chose to stick with me -- thank you! Hello... Hello... Hello...!! I have missed this site, writing and posting here. It's good to be back.
 There was a mood for rum raisins today.. and if i was eating ice cream, usually it will have to be Hagen Dazs. Therefore, it was. YAY!!!
Because there was a sale, who could resist a sale of Haagen Dazs by the pint?!?!?! i couldn't for sure. So instead of walking away, i bought three: rum raisin, cookies & cream, and pistachios! Today i dove right into rum raisin.. but who would have thought that the simple memories could bring me to tears.. tears of sadness that the man who enjoyed this so much is gone, and now going on five years; tears of joy that i was given the opportunity to share this with the man who shaped me to be who i am; and tears of wonder of all the times i had with him and the time since he's been gone. Cheers... rum raisins! Cheers dad, to you! |
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